Packages
by SterileTelevision
Summary: You know how you sometimes examine a package you may get without opening it to figure out what's inside? Well, Tobi does that too. He should have examined this one a little better though...


Packages

By: Eriob34 (aka, Kira Quintessence)

The box told a tale of colorful lies. He doesn't know this yet.

Tobi stared at the box in disbelief. He couldn't believe it's actually for himself.

It was a brown, cardboard box of moderate proportions. A white, sticky label was seemingly slapped on it. His name was scrawled on the label: **TOBI**, in all capital letters. The contents rattled and clattered when he had shaken the box. Its contents suggested there were a numerous somethings inside the box. When the box was tipped, a great deal of the weight shifted respectively.

Tobi suspected there was a large mass of something amongst all the little somethings.

The box was sealed with clear bands of wide scotch tape. The top. The bottom. Even the edges where the flaps met the folds of the box. All were sealed with the clear scotch tape. Tobi ran his fingers along the tape. He figured the sender either wanted to keep the contents of the box safe while shipping or wanted for it to be obvious to Tobi if the box had been tampered with.

All the bands of clear were in tact. Perfect.

He ruled out the idea of anything living being inside the box.

So, maybe the contents needed to be kept safe? Or kept from leaking?

Tobi shook the box again for good measure. No sounds of liquid. Just dull thuds and scratching sounds.

Tobi put the box on its side, standing it like a tall rectangular prism. He watched and listened to the box for sudden movements. The weight of the contents shifted again, the larger mass sinking through the smaller surrounding mass, he presumed. The contents did not shift easily though. It was slow, unrushed. He figured that the larger something didn't have any keen wedges to pierce through the sea of smaller somethings in the box, or else the process of the large content sinking to the bottom of the box would have been much faster.

Or maybe the little somethings weren't so little that they could be easily pierced through.

"Tobi, just open the darn thing already," Kisame groaned from not too far away. He has been sitting in the den of the Akatsuki lair all this while, even before Tobi had bounded in with his precious, little box. He was previously occupied with the random nothings that danced across the illuminated television surface, but Tobi had become quite distracting. He was getting rather frustrated and was curious about what exactly was in the box.

Tobi quickly shushed his man-fish senpai, claiming that this is part of the fun of receiving such packages. The sender clearly took time with packaging it so meticulously, save for the haphazardly-placed label. It would be a waste his or her efforts to just… trash all of the packaging. This has to be handled with care.

Tobi proceeded to listen to the slow descend of the larger something. After a few steady moments, Tobi decided the mass of the larger something wasn't heavy enough to push through all of the layers of little somethings since all of the scratchy noised had stopped. He then sat up cross-legged and pulled the box into his lap. Thoughtfully, he stared down at the top of the box, at the label: **TOBI**.

Who was the sender? Was it a boy or a girl? The gender could give a clue as to what is in the box…

A girl would have made sure everything on the box was perfect. Only the tape was perfect. The white label was off center and had his name in giant, non-cute-like letters. A girl wouldn't do that. A girl's letters would be curly and pretty. And probably in a pretty color. Permanent-Marker black isn't a color a girl would consider pretty.

Or maybe it was an artistic girl? The contrast of the perfectionist taping to the off-center label… mixed with the monotony of the brown sides. It can be considered art.

But Tobi doesn't know many girls. Konan barely counts. He ruled this idea out too.

Tobi doesn't know too many more boys either.

Kisame couldn't have sent the package. He was almost as itching as Tobi to know what is inside. Or maybe he knows and wants to see Tobi's reaction. That could explain why he's rushing him. Tobi turned to glare briefly at Kisame, who glared back questioningly.

Tobi immediately rejected the idea of Kakuzu or Hidan ever giving him something directly unless it was meant to kill him. He was sure that was not the case though. Sir Leader would have their heads those two were purposefully killing off other members.

Or maybe it was Sir Leader. He had seen him conversing with Zetsu-senpai a lot lately. Maybe Zetsu-senpai was delivering "good boy" reports to Sir Leader, so Sir Leader may have gotten him something?

Tobi glanced down at the package in his lap once more. Now that he notices it, it does lack a postage stamp. That means it's definitely from someone in the lair. If some random outside left it in front of the entrance, it would have had to have been an obvious set up. Sir Leader would have ordered its immediate destruction.

But here the box is, in his lap. All six sides of the rectangular prism, unscathed.

'_Oh, what the heck,'_ Tobi thought and proceeded to cut the clear bands from the taped-down flaps.

Just as Tobi began lifting the flaps off of the box, his Deidara-senpai waltzed into the room with a sated, cat-like grin on his face.

"You might want to watch this Deidara. He's finally opening the darn thing," Kisame stated gruffly.

"I see, un." And with that, Deidara perched himself on a couch on the opposite side of the room.

When Tobi had finally lifted the flaps, he was greeted by the sight of the little somethings. They didn't quite look like packaging foam like he had seen before in other packages. They were similar in shape, but harder… or _hardened_. The seemed more like something that originated from a soft material or was hollow on the inside. They were lightweight.

Anyway, he dug past the packaging foam-like things and found… a book? Well, he wasn't expecting to get much of anything great or extremely worth while from anyone in the lair. They're all very money conscious. Well, Kakuzu makes them behave money consciously.

His fingers moved over the designs on the front of the book. They look like letters… that were molded on? He flipped through the pages of the book. All he came across were blank. Tobi then flipped back to the cover, making a better attempt to read the moldings.

"'How… to keep… an idiot… busy… for… two hours'…? Tobi doesn't get it…" he mused aloud, but mostly to himself. He scraped a fingernail at the molded-on letters. _'It's… it's like… clay.'_

"KATSU!"

And before Tobi could even offer a second though to the transpiring events, everything exploded. The packaging-foam-like things, the letters on the book, the book itself, and the cardboard box. Everything was engulfed in a chalky cloud of dust.

Tobi coughed.

Kisame laughed.

Deidara… _'Is evil,'_ Tobi supplied.

"You were the one that gave him that thing?" Kisame inquired to the blond Akatsuki member. "He's been sitting here forever trying to figure out what's inside of it without opening it."

"The book did say 'How to Keep an Idiot Busy for Two Hours', un," Deidara simpered, faking innocence. "How long has he been here just staring at that thing?"

"Three hours, maybe?"

"Then my work is more than done, un."

Tobi was still in a state of utter shock. Not from the explosion, mind you. He was very accustom to his Deidara-senpai's many explosive tricks. It had ever started to feel like a greeting from an old friend to him. So familiar.

But somehow, Tobi had not expected the explosion at all. He had gotten his hopes up so high from all of the examining. A soft, muffled weeping noise slipped through the air. Kisame and Deidara looked at each other. The noise came from neither of them. Then they both turned to look at Tobi.

"Um, Deidara? I think you crushed the kid's dreams."

Tobi cried slightly louder at Kisame's words. _'T-Tobi's never opening packages again!'_

The box told a tale of colorful lies.

-----

The End!

Okay, this was just a random thought I had when I was in bed like… a week ago. I thought it would be funny and I wanted to test my writing abilities. This was written directly from my mind. No edits, no rough drafts, nothing.

I don't mean to make Deidara seem like an ass. Everyone just needs a little relief from Tobi at times, right? This was just a little prank, though now they probably have to deal with a wailing Tobi next -_-lll

Either way, Deidara loves Tobi, and Tobi reciprocates :3

Oh yeah! TOBI BROKE THE FOURTH WALL! If you can't spot were, either I'm a bad writer or you all are bad readers. I don't want to believe either are true, cuz I don't wanna insult my readers or lower my self-esteem, but one of them has to be right…

Lastly, leave pretty reviews, please! I don't wanna have to post the "Review Song" again…


End file.
